Acting as a production company with a script from agency Mother we have recently finished work on a couple of spots to promote a new range of frozen fish products developed by Jamie Oliver and Young’s.

The spots place Jamie (and one of his kitchens) in the arctic – where the fish is sourced for the meals. He tries to cook, but obviously struggles considering the harsh surroundings.

One of the greatest challenges – other than wrangling Snow Owls and working out where we were going to get a polar bear from – was how we were going to convincingly place Jamie in the Arctic when really we really only had him for a few hours in a studio in West London.

Working with post house MPC and Art Directors Skyhook we worked out exactly how this was to be achieved. Skyhook built a set sprayed with fake snow (actually paper) within which we placed the kitchen and surrounded this area with blue screen. We then filmed Jamie as we blasted him with 8ft fans and buckets fake snow. Taking this raw material MPC then added and animated hi-res stills of various arctic environments. Further layers of snow were then generated in 3D before being added along with mist and even icebergs. Et Voila: arctic Jamie.

The main plus sides are a really great highly motivated team, and a desk on the swanky top floor … and as a bonus, you only have to work 37 hours per week (yeah right).

I tried to explain to the customs lady that i was visiting New York “through” my work, but not “for” work (don’t ever go there with US customs – they just don’t get it). So i changed tack, and said i was just here for pleasure, just to watch the Superbowl. She looked at me suspisiously and called over her supervisor. Admitedly, i was sweating, stank of booze, and generally looked pretty dishevelled, so she had her reasons to be suspiscious of me. But any doubts that she or her supervisor may have had, instantly evaporated when I projectile vomited all over them.

It’s hard to describe the atmosphere. There was a palpable silence, followed by gasps from the waiting crowds. Followed by more silence. It should have felt like an eternity, but it only took them about 5 seconds to handcuff me.

I spent the next 2 days alone in a holding cell at JFK. The closest I got to the Superbowl was hearing the guards watch the game down the corridor. I was charged with “assaulting 2 customs officers” (WTF?) Charges were dropped on the condition I return to the UK, and I am banned from returning to the USA for 10 years. A little harsh. On Monday I was placed on a flight back to the UK, where I was questioned by British police for 4 hours.

I went straight into 4Creative to explain myself. The police had already informed them of what had happened, and I truly expected to get the sack. Instead i got a standing ovation, and some pats on the back. Still shaking, I recounted my run-in with The Americans. Apparently a similar thing happened to Rory a couple of years before. Phil said he was truly proud of me. Tom T promised me a small pay rise. And that’s how messed up this place is.

So nice, that he actually let me have a spin on his new Vespa. Unfortunately my driving skills suck ass. Big time. I’m so so so so sorry Jamie.

(I’m still invited to Fifteen, right?)

The other rumor was that Peter Kosminksy (big TV director – and i don’t mean physically) was coming in today, to see the work on The Promise. This too is true, and although he had less admirers than ed’s new-look chest, he seemed like a very nice bloke.

Migs.

Migs.